Paradise
by Rhaegal Nymeria Stark
Summary: During the trio's hiding in Deathly Hallows, Hermione realizes that no matter how short a time she has left to live, she wants to spend it with Harry, the boy she truly loves.  The boy who means everything to her.


Title: Paradise

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, damn it.

Rating: K+

Genre: Romance

Author: BlackRose Petals17

Summary: Hermione has realized something disturbing; that there's a difference between her future she will have with Ron and the future she will have with Harry. Takes place during Deathly Hallows, just before Ron abandons them.

**Paradise:**

Hermione never would say that she was a girl with delusions of flights of fancy. She, if anything was a practical girl of logic. She knew the reality of the oncoming war. No, not the oncoming war; the war that was already out breaking all over the country. Voldemort was back, stronger than ever, and with him inevitably had come hordes of Deatheaters, his followers and the takeover of the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts in the process.

She was not foolish, she knew that the war would bring more and more casualties. They had already lost Dumbledore and Sirius. People died in wars all the time. Some even before the war, like poor Cedric Diggory during their fourth year at Hogwarts.

Hermione contemplated the terrible events that had happened already, and the terror that would encompass the whole world of witches and wizards, including muggleborns and mere muggles. It was for that same reason that she had erased her own parents' memories of her. So that they'd be safe.

As Hermione contemplated this, she sat on the wooden bench next to the table, pretending that she was reading something to figure out where more of the Horcruxes were. From where she sat, she could see Harry lying down on one of the bunks. She glanced outside and saw Ron kneeling down, listening relentlessly to the radio, hoping that he would never hear of any of his family members in the list of casualties mentioned.

Hermione snuck a few more quick glances at both Ron and Harry before looking back down at the pages. She wondered what her companions thought. Yes, war brought death with it. Many, many deaths. Cedric, Sirius and Dumbledore were already the first casualties of war and there were thousands more to darken the once peaceful, beautiful school that they had attended and their whole magical world. Still, even as Hermione's mind drifted through these god awful, perilous thoughts of the mayhem that would occur soon, she knew one other thing. Though there were deaths in war, there were also sometimes, survivors.

Maybe survivors that suffered from the trauma of the wars, but still survivors.

Some survivors, though sometimes suffering or brutally injured, lived to a ripe and old age with a wonderful, fulfill full life. Like Dumbledore and McGonagall. True, Hermione knew too well, on that atrocious night a year ago, Dumbledore had suffered a terrible death, by Severus Snape's hands of all people. But before that, he had lived a long time, with a rich life.

These abhorrent thoughts led her to slowly remove her eyes from the papers and continually glance from her dark haired friend across from her on the bed, to her ginger haired friend outside of the tent. Images started to flash through her mind of Dumbledore's age before his fate. She could never figure out just how old he was, but she knew that he had been old.

She then fixed her eyes on Harry, who was, from she could tell, asleep.

It was strange; Harry was the center of this whole war, along with Voldemort. Harry was the one that the Deatheaters and the dark lord were after. Harry, because of the chaos that surrounded him was almost the epitome of war and yes…..Horrible as it may seem, the center of death. Cedric Diggory might have had the chance to live, had Harry not been forced into the Tri Wizard tournament by one of the Deatheaters. And yet, Hermione at that moment realized something.

This brought her to slide her eyes to Ron who was not going to move himself from his position and not refrain from listening to the radio anytime soon. Ron was completely uninvolved with Voldemort or the war. His family was made up of all purebloods. True, Ron's family were working against the tyrannical ideals of purebloods being the only ones worthy of magic, but they were still purebloods. Voldemort would more than likely spare them just for that, despite being "blood traitors." However, regardless of what Arthur, Bill, Charlie, Molly and Percy Weasley did, George, Fred, Ginny and of course Ron himself were in no way involved. And Hermione highly suspected that Ron would never get involved. Despite Ron's family, if she stayed with Ron _alone _she'd be safe. Were he not friends with Harry Potter, the boy who lived, Ron and most of his family would be forever safe from the tyrannical wizard known as Voldemort's wrath. In some ways, for Ron, Harry brought chaos and death too. If Hermione chose to be with Ron, she knew that in some ways, though, she was a muggleborn, she'd have a much longer life than she would with Harry.

But that was where she knew that there was something wrong here. Hermione understood at some point, maybe it was during her and Harry's fight for survival when Remus Lupin was chasing them in his werewolf form in their third year together when they went back in time, that maybe a long life really wasn't what was important.

That time, when she and Harry, both thirteen had hidden in the forest with the Hippogriff, Buckbeak, keeping out of sight from everyone, so as not to be spotted, she realized that she was happier with Harry than she had ever been with Ron. It was completely a fight for survival as opposed to her time with Ron when Harry wasn't around and yet it was the time that Hermione had been the most overjoyed.

In those hours where Hermione knew that she and Harry could be found and killed at any moment by Lupin in his werewolf form or attacked by Dementors, or something worse, Hermione realized that with Harry…..She was happy. She and Harry had run through the forest, clouded by night that time four years ago, and the forest was a maze of danger, Lupin, Dementors, maybe even centaurs and those giant spiders Harry had told her about the year before that, but it had almost been Heaven being with Harry that whole time in the third year. Even just sitting on the hill and waiting with Harry that time during the time traveling had been blissful. If she had waited with Ron in the hospital wing, she would have been safe from all dementors, centaurs and spiders, but she would have been empty.

All those times when Harry wasn't around and she and Ron could argue all on their own, Hermione knew that she was safe. With Ron, there was no war, and because of that Hermione knew she was safe completely and utterly. But it felt so…empty. And it was disturbing.

Whenever Harry was busy running after Hagrid or someone else for some information about Voldemort, and she and Ron could speak to each other alone, Hermione knew that if she stayed permanently with Ron, the war couldn't touch her, despite her blood lineage. There would be no danger in staying with Ron. She would live to be as old as maybe McGonagall.

Maybe even as old as Dumbledore.

But was a ripe old age worth unhappiness and feeling empty?

That was when Hermione turned from Ron and stared at Harry on the bed. Hermione would never say that she didn't have feelings for both boys. It would be a lie if she did. She had come to feel affection and even romantic feelings for the both of them. But there was a difference. With Ron, though there was an intense, tempestuous heat between them, they, were they to remain together, would have a long, peaceful life. And even with the long life, her and Ron's relationship was like fire. Fire was painful, fire hurt, fire burned flesh. While being with Ron would mean being without war and death, Ron's words almost always hurt Hermione. They'd hurt like a knife with fire on it. Ron was a hurtful person. It was peaceful but it was suffocating to be with him.

With Harry on the other hand, there was a flow, almost like a natural electric signal between them. It was strange, Harry had always been in-tuned to Hermione, as she had always had been to him. They felt safe with each other and didn't harm one another. Whenever Hermione was in pain, Harry would be there for her in less than a heartbeat. Whenever Ron accused her of something or would be off with Lavender the year before, Harry would be at her aid within a second.

And Hermione realized that she was drawn to Harry the same way. She found herself protecting him at every turn. She realized at some point if it came to choosing where her loyalties were, between Ron and Harry, Hermione knew in that instant that she would remain with Harry. The fluid and sensitive relationship she had with him made her feel at ease, like she didn't have to defend herself every few minutes. With Harry, everything was like a smooth dance. It wasn't suffocating, it was without pressure and constant nagging. There was a strange bliss and comfort with Harry.

Hermione understood in that moment, after all those years; six and a half years of contemplation and consideration, she realized that the huge difference between a short time in paradise and a pro-longed time in pain was maddeningly obvious, and she felt so foolish for not seeing it before.

It was absolute and almost inevitable that if she stayed with Ron, she'd more than likely live to seventy, maybe even to ninety. With Harry, she had no idea just how long she would live. But wasn't it worth it?

With Ron, she'd be away from the war, and in terms of how her life span, it would be paradise, without bloodshed. But her long life would be empty and even miserable. It would be Hell, even _if _her safety was a paradise. With Harry, she'd constantly be in danger, she would constantly bear witness to the Hell that was called the battlefield, but would be free and more than anything else, _loved. _She would be in paradise even if it wasn't for long.

It was funny, Hermione thought, smiling as the truth came down on her; her and Harry's lives would be Hell in this fight, but their time together, despite the fact that it might only last for a small amount of time would be like Heaven. Her and Ron's time together however, would be forever, and they would spend their time in a safe haven of paradise, but they would be sad, and she herself would be in Hell in her relationship with him.

The obvious and naked truth was: better to live a rich, happy, loving life, even if it was for only a few years, or even a few weeks than to live in unhappiness and emotional conflict for decades.

Understanding this new knowledge, Hermione took one last look at the red haired boy outside, shuddering a little as the got up from the bench and went over to Harry's bed, sitting down at the edge, smiling at the dark haired handsome boy whose side she would remain at, no matter how short a time in paradise, but in that paradise, she would be free.

With that mental vow, Hermione lay down next to the boy who lived, scooting a little just enough so that she was not encroaching on where Harry was laying and just rested besides him. And it would be where she would stay.

**Auhtor's Note:**

**My apologies if this repeated itself a bit too much. In defense this _was _my first Harry Potter fic. Be gentle in the criticisms please. (Dodges rotten vegetables.)**


End file.
